Don't ask questions you know the answer to?

I was frequently told as a child, 'Don’t ask questions you already know the answer to.' Lately, I’ve been questioning why I was told this. Now I think...many little girls “play dumb” or pretend not to know how to do something for a few interrelated reasons, most of which are learned behaviors rather than natural instincts:

 1. Rewarded Helplessness

From an early age, girls are often praised for being cute, sweet, or needing help, while boys are praised for being strong, smart, or capable. When girls pretend to not know something, they often get attention, protection, or praise  sometimes even more than when they show competence.

 2. Avoiding Rejection or Conflict

Girls are subtly taught that being too smart, assertive, or capable might make others uncomfortable especially boys. Some learn that playing dumb is a way to avoid judgment, teasing, or exclusion. It becomes a survival tactic.

3. Internalized Messaging

The media, toys, classroom dynamics, and even adult responses can teach girls that their value lies in being liked, not being right. So they downplay intelligence to fit in or seem more agreeable.

4. Gendered Power Dynamics

Little girls can sometimes sense that power comes with passivity, and pretending to be unsure lets others take the lead. It’s a way to gain favor or navigate imbalanced environments where their authority isn’t taken seriously anyway.

5. Learned from Observation

If they see older girls or women in their lives defer to men or act unaware to avoid conflict or receive affection, they mimic this. It becomes a script for navigating gender expectations.