Maybe we should stop stroking the egos of the ill adapted members of society.

Fuck people pleasing. I explained to this person I care deeply that I say no and don't provide a long explanation and that part of communication is accepting a no and moving on. I also said I have had many experiences of explaining only to have people who can’t accept it trying to sway me into doing what they want me to do. This stems from a need for control and a lack of respect on their part. I just want to say it's hard to unlearn people pleasing but so so worth it. I encourage anyone ready to unpack people pleasing or their long explanation of their no’s and find the connection to the need for likeability. People don't need to be pleased with you. If they don't like you after you say no they just don't fuck with with you like that. 

Nobody has a rebuttal or follow up when you say yes and I think the word no deserves that same energy. Lastly lets not forget that women are serverly harmed constantly after saying no. (Most of the time their no is not alone it is followed up by a dissertation as to why the no was said because we are conditioned to think it's disrespectful). It is not.

So in essence the question is just a formality for them and not supposed to be an option for you (which it truly is). You have free will. Your time enjoyment and well-being are more important than the perception of you. You know what you need more than other people do. People talk about “the view” The truth is in this scenario it's more accurate from the inside than out. Your pov is the lens through which we can see your happiness and peace. Have a sense of self. Don't allow others to distort your reality. Be confident in your response. 

Start saying

- "because I don’t want to"

- "That's non of your business"

- I am not explaining my no

- ok

- "That is private"

- "No"

- "I am not going to share that"

Also there is a difference in people asking why because they want to know and why because they think you need to explain and then they need to justify your choice. The latter is unacceptable because you don't need anyones approval to make your choices. 

You know what else I think? There's a girl somewhere with a guy on top of her trying to enjoy himself. If she has not said the word "no" or "stop" her body language is unresponsive and she is not enjoying herself. She is struggling to say she does want to "stop" "get off of me" and "that hurts" because she was conditioned to think she is behaving badly. No is a bad word you don't deserve to be treated badly whenever you say it. I hope she finds the strength to unlearn these oppressive lessons. I'm very happy I did things would have been so much worse for me had I not. This person whom I love and value very much is not pleased with me and that's okay because they don't need to be. People do not need to be pleased with you. Remember this.