The sexualization of the Menendez Brothers
Do you have a trauma kink? I'm curious. Why does “ You know you doin' that shit on purpose, baby That pussy wetter than some water, let me surf it, baby “ trigger synesthesia. I don't just hear that music, I see it. I see clips of Nicholas Chavez who is playing Erik Menedez on Monsters on Netflix. From the ages of 6-8, these two brothers were being beaten molested, and raped. The years and years of physical, physiological, and sexual abuse left them in mental chaos. They killed their parents wanting to escape the cycle of never-ending abuse. Lately, I have seen many Thirst Trap edits all over my timeline of these brothers and the actors that play them on "Monsters". I am appalled to see so many women sexualizing and glorifying these men for their bodies and I want to unpack it. Why are people allured to these men? We know they have been abused for years on end and that they grew up feeling unsafe and fearful of a large, machismo, arrogant, lying, powerful, abusive dominating male presence. We know that they are suffering and have suffered mentally constantly looking around and feeling like they can't navigate their day without a threat to their safety. These men have lived in fear and rightfully so. We've seen the clips of them crying, bawling, recounting their abuse, acknowledging their pain and their fear, apologizing, embodying feelings of shame and guilt, helplessness. So why is that a turn-on for some? Lots of women who are sexualizing Erik and Lyle Mende would be at the frontline of a discussion of why they should be free but are failing to separate them from their abuse and bodies. Is it because we resonate? Maybe the idea that someone has been so hurt and defeated, scared and ashamed of their presence brings women comfort because they relate to it on an immense level. I saw a quote that said, “Strip everything that makes me a woman so that I can exist in peace”. These boys could not exist in peace. And that's why they are circulating in the girl's group chat (cause we can't either). Women go out and about their day and are still being abused and killed and raped at alarming rates. To what extent is our comfortability and attraction to others contingent on shared experiences? Why did these boys need to be raped and cut and punched and molested for us to like them? To be attracted to them?
My answer is sexism ( prejudice, discrimination, or stereotyping based on a person's sex or gender, typically directed against women and girls. It often manifests in the belief that one gender, usually men, is superior to the other, leading to unequal treatment in various areas. Sexism can be both overt, through explicit actions or statements, and subtle, through ingrained societal attitudes and behaviors. It reinforces harmful gender roles and can affect opportunities, self-esteem, and the overall quality of life for individuals.) We isolate genders anything regarding empathy (the ability to understand and share the feelings or perspectives of another person. It involves recognizing and being sensitive to what someone else is experiencing, whether it's joy, pain, or any other emotion, and responding in a compassionate or supportive way. Empathy allows people to connect on a deeper emotional level and can help foster kindness, understanding, and strong interpersonal relationships. There are different forms of empathy, including emotional empathy (feeling what others feel) and cognitive empathy (understanding someone else's perspective), emotions, fear, innocence, and defensiveness are associated with women. The idea is that women are inept and men aren’t. When you follow that logic you conclude that men can not get hurt because they have opposing characteristics thus they are stoic, unwavering, confident, brave, strong, and capable. Do stoic, unwavering, confident, brave, strong, capable people cry? Of course not. They can not feel pain. They were not raped it must have been consensual because this is the stronger larger group. The group that can always fight back because it's inherent. They never cry because they have the mental capacity to handle anything thrown their way. They do not possess innocence so it could not have been self-defense or escape from brutal sodomization that made them bleed or slicing abuse of any sort. The people who fixated on the way the Mendez brothers reacted to their torment subscribe to the ideology (belief system) that is sexism. The women who have disregarded the torture the Menendez brothers endured and fixated on their looks struggle with internalized misogyny. To be unsafe, to repeat the word no, to be pestered, sexually harassed, regulated, dissected, sexualized, psychoanalyzed, and under pressure to align with the “desirable version” of yourself is a universal experience as a woman. When you relate to being minimized, having no voice, and being controlled you develop empathy. Empathy isn't a mindset but a skill something adopted by oppressed communities. The vast majority of advocates for the Mendez brothers are women and I think it is because of the resonance. In my review of the case, I also noted such apparent homophobia, and that made me think even harder about how all of this ties to the hatred of women.
In several interviews, Erik Mendez is pestered about his sexuality. He is bothered because his reactions, discourse and such reveal and emulate “Feminine traits and behaviors”. He has compassionate treatment towards his brother, he cries when he reflects on events, and he is emotional all of these traits have a negative connotation. Especially when displayed by men because they are only reserved for women. Women are viewed to be irrational because they feel feelings… so when a man also does that he must be also irrational. The logic is gay men and straight women both like men so this one shared identity marker shifts their identity entirely. If not stoic, unwavering, confident, brave, strong, or capable then you a pussy, sassy, fruity, or "gay". All of those terms have a negative connotation and derive from the stereotypical behaviors of.... women. The mass transference of sexism has directly impacted the gender gap, women's safety, reproductive rights, self-esteem, autonomy, and life expectancy but is also heavily responsible for the silencing of male victims, homophobia, depression, and polarization today. Sexism never helped anyone decent. Unlearn it.
What if we all did this shit? ON PURPOSE?
Below are links to petitions
A quote from Erik: “I believed we had moved beyond the lies and ruinous character portrayals of Lyle, creating a caricature of Lyle rooted in horrible and blatant lies rampant in the show,” he started. “I can only believe they were done so on purpose. It is with a heavy heart that I say, "I believe Ryan Murphy cannot be this naive and inaccurate about the facts of our lives so as to do this without bad intent.”
Erik continued, “It is sad for me to know that Netflix’s dishonest portrayal of the tragedies surrounding our crime have taken the painful truths several steps backward — back through time to an era when the prosecution built a narrative on a belief system that males were not sexually abused, and that males experienced rape trauma differently than women.”
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